I <3 ME

The other day I was at the Pride Parade in Amsterdam and I got this t-shirt that says "I <3 MEN" but the N had a scribble through it so it read "I <3 ME". When I saw the shirt I knew it was perfect for me at this point in my life; my new motto. Most of my adult life I spent obsessing about men; what they would want from me, how to keep them, how to make them happy, and all the while I was quite miserable. Sure in the beginning it was nice, I did everything they liked and they did everything I liked but that only lasts for a short time. Its not until after you pass that wonderful honeymoon stage that you know whether or not you are compatible. And most of the time your not because who people represent themselves to be at the beginning is rarely who they are.
I always thought that I was different; that I came to the table exactly who I would always be, but even that's not true. When I am with someone I make them my everything and it gets exhausting. Then I sit and wonder why I get frustrated when they don't reciprocate. But how can they, how can I expect that from anyone especially myself. It is such a harsh demand to ask someone to be the source of your happiness. However, I have found that I have asked for that and more in the name of love.
Writing about it now it seems so silly. Why would you ask someone to love another more than themselves. I know I know better but somewhere, somehow I got it all mixed up. So I am going to use this motto until I get it right again. Cuz its great to love men, its easy. But to love me, to be true to what I want and determined to create my own happiness; well there's a challenge I look forward to conquering during this chapter of my life. So here's to lovin' me!!!
And for those reading, here's to you making you #1 everyday!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The little things

I have been hanging in Europe for a month and a half now and I have been to serval places and seen such great fun sights but through it all I am still very much me. There haven't been any major changes that I can see. I feel a lot of little differences, like I have found comfort eating alone in a foreign country at 930 at night.  I look forward to getting lost in a new place where I don't know the language and am forced to figure out the map and streets.  I have found a new appreciation for art and museums.  I have learned how to say "why not" instead of "how about we say we did and don't." I have learned to talk less and listen more. I have learned how to stop thinking about it and just get it in my body and move. I am so grateful for these lessons and look forward to more to come. :)